On Our Three Year Anniversary

September 7th, 2017 § 0

There’s so much I don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m having for dinner. I don’t know what to do about the state of our political system. I don’t even know what I want to be when I grow up. And, by the way, when does that happen?

But I am certain of this: I want to wake up each day, look this man in the eyes and see him for the unmerited gift he is to me.

From the first time I met Luke, his presence began unraveling what was knotted in me–allowing me to clear spaces previously cluttered by insecurity–and with such immediacy it still takes me by surprise. His love is a clarifying force, an opportunity to reckon with the things I thought I could never let go of and have. Our story has brought me to a fierce encounter with the things I hold as precious, to examine them for what they are and to see them from new perspectives. His being, in its kindness, illuminates the shadow places where I need to grow. And I am so grateful.

That’s the four-year view.

The day-to-day view is medical bills and a shower that needs scrubbing and a call to AT&T about getting internet at the new house (God help me). Oh, and my person is running late. AGAIN!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, this┬ádistance between the four-year view and the day-to-day view. How at any given moment the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been given could be taken away, and I’d be over here losing my sh*t on the phone with Blue Shield. A crushing absurdity.

These two views are not always close together.

And what I know for sure is every day I want to walk the distance between them.

I want to walk my way back to the bigger picture, to let each day be kissed by the divine mystery that this man is for me. I want to let the road there lead me to the good questions, like “Will you forgive me?” and “How can I love you today?” along with the ever-trusted exclamations, “Hooray!” and “Thank you!” and “Hi there, Sexy!”

Today I’m thankful I get to walk this road at all. I’m thankful to mark three years of marriage to this splendid human. And I’m thankful to know the richness that comes from the deep promises we’ve made to each other.

Happy anniversary to the one who puts moons in my eyes.

Where am I?

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