On Today

January 16th, 2013 § 404

It’s an amazing thing to wonder where it is you’ll be in six months, to go to bed at night tromping around in the wild imaginings of your future.

I do not know.

And today, by some great miracle, I’m not afraid.

Today, I feel young. Sweetly, unselfconsciously, invigoratingly young.

There will come a day, maybe soon, when I won’t wonder what I’ll be doing in a month.

There will come a day when I won’t go to bed wondering what I’m going to do with my life. I’ll be caught up doing it.

There will come a day when the bulkier portion of my days will have been spent, and the latter half of my life already made.

And I know when that day arrives, I will look back on this brief unknown with gladness, not disgust. I will be happy for my younger self, who was courageous enough to stare down uncertainty, and wise enough to find joy in the midst of it. I will be grateful that I got to live a wide-eyed season when I didn’t know where the wind would blow me and I earnestly wondered on the many different lives I could live with the time that I’m borrowing.

A humblingly small portion of people in the world ever have the luxury of living a chapter like this, and I’m determined not to donate it away to anxiety.

Today is for tasting.

Trying.

Testing things out.

Today is for celebrating what I do know, and refusing to feel bad about the things I don’t yet.

Today is for dreaming without shame.

Today is for grace. For being present without fear.

Today is for amazement.

 

 

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